Thursday, March 9, 2017

My Apple

My juicy red apple...
I was looking at my red shiny apple,
It felt as cold as a ice cube.
I put my apple close to my ear,
I tried to peel it with longish nails.
It made a like a fizzing sound like a fizzy drink,
I gazed at my polished apple one more time.
I took a small bite like it was bitten by a mouse,
I took another bite and it was bigger.
I took a few more big bites,
all you can see was the brown and white seeds.

That was how my apple got gobbled up!


  1. I really enjoyed your writing about eating an apple. You have used some good descriptive ideas like 'cold as an ice cube' and 'bitten by a mouse'. These helped me get an idea in my head of your experience.

  2. Kia Ora Reitu
    My name is Kieran I go to Karoro School. I really liked your poem, it had good words in it and it was a really clear description. Maybe next time you could not use ‘I’ so much but other than that well done keep up the great work.

  3. Hello

    My name is Gage I go to Karoro School.
    I saw the poem on the apple called “My Juicy Red Apple”. I really liked the poem and thought it was really written out well and had a lot of detail. I liked how it used all of the five senses. I like how it was based on eating the apple and how you took one piece at a time until it was nothing but seeds.

    Next time you could make it rhyme a little bit more. Our class did something like that last year. I did it on winter in the mountains /Southern Alps. I also made a second poem called motorbiking.

    Karoro School.

  4. Hi my name is javeylor Im from panmure bridge school . I like how you have talked about your apple also I really like how you used comers and full stop and how you used capital letter in your story.

    Keep your great work up I really enjoined your story about your juicy apple.