Wednesday, March 23, 2016

What did I do or WALT: What I was doing was writing about a time with friends and whanau. What I think I did well: I jumped straight into the story and I put more descriptive words. What I think I could do better next time: I could make the story a bit longer.

Recount: A time with friends.
“Splash” paint splatter all over the back of my head I turn around Boom Boom more paintballs flying out of the barrel towards me. I duck and fire the gun the bullets spray towards my cousin. He runs back to the tower and hides. I jogged after him to the tower he’s aiming the gun down the ladder to shoot me 5 minutes left to go my uncle said. Ok my cousin and I yelled I was peering through the gaps of the wood waiting for him to come down. Then I saw him peeking through the gaps saw I grabbed my gun and fired. I hit my target right in the face victory is mine.   

1 comment:

  1. Hello Jordan, I liked that you put in your WALT so I know what you have been working on. I think your target is in a lot of pain after being hit in the face. I don't think you have to make your story longer, as long as you capture the attention of the reader you'll be fine.